Uly’s got the words…..

There is one good reason why I’m such a believer: I’m afraid of death. I really am.

I love living my life, no matter how it sucks. Part of me wants to be young and immortal, but another part of me is very curious: does ‘life after death’ really exist? Because if it doesn’t, I’d be doomed. That is so unfair. For scientologist Tom Cruise and his robot-wife Katie Holmes, at least they experience beyond luxurious life to finally find that heaven is just a myth. But for me–and most of the believers in this planet–our lives are not really the picture of heaven, are they?

Things have been getting worse since I have my daughter. I spend amount of time thinking, "What would happen to her if I died? Would she remember me the way I want her to remember me? Would she long for me?"

And that’s how I really want to believe, that when I die, I’d still have the chance to reunite with my child (and my husband–if we’re together ’til last) somewhere in universe. I really want to be able to reunite with people I love, living the life that’s even better than the life I live now.

I was born Christian, raised as one too. I didn’t really have a choice when I was little. Now, I’m open for any religion, but I still stick with my old religion. It’s not a big deal for me. I’m too old to learn a new belief (I’m even too old to change my PC to Mac!), and I don’t see it necessary.

But, honestly, I long for God who confirms his existance in a very simple way. The kind of God who doesn’t inspire humans to kill each other to spread what they believe or to defend God. Sadly, to my ideal of belief, every religion fails.

I’m a believer. A strong believer. But if God is pictured as an inspiration for dehumanization in any form, I really don’t want to know that God. Let me be sad and depressed to conclude, that the glorious life after death is only an illusion for the believers.

At least, that’ll make me appreciate my existing life even better. Because, when you die, you’d just turn into dust, so you want to make the best out of it. There I said it. (Oh, shit. I’m scared now!!! A depressing posting for sure)